When planning a Jewish wedding, couples often want to incorporate meaningful traditions that reflect their heritage and cultural background. For those with diverse ancestry, blending these rich traditions can create a unique and personalized wedding ceremony. In this post, I speak with my friend Olivia, who recently married her partner Kevin, about how they merged Sephardic and Ashkenazi customs to craft a wedding that authentically represented their relationship.

Understanding Family Backgrounds

Olivia and Kevin came from different upbringings – she grew up in an Ashkenazi home, while Kevin had a Persian background and didn’t grow up religious. Despite their different starting points, the couple wanted their wedding to reflect their shared Jewish values as well as honoring both of their traditions. They worked closely with their officiant, Rabbi Ovadia, to craft a ceremony that felt authentic to them.

Q: What made you decide to blend Sephardic and Ashkenazi traditions in your wedding?

Olivia: “Kevin and I both have diverse backgrounds, and we wanted our wedding to reflect that… We felt it was important to honor both of our traditions in our ceremony.”

Q: What specific elements did you include to represent both traditions?

Olivia: “We incorporated elements common to both Ashkenazi and Sephardic weddings, such as standing together under the chuppah and breaking the glass at the end. To further honor Ashkenazi traditions, we included the bedeken ceremony and I circled Kevin seven times. We also incorporated some wonderful Sephardic customs, like saying the Birkat Kohanim. We were both covered by the new tallit that my parents gifted to Kevin. It was incredibly special to have Rabbi Ovadia invite kohanim from the audience, including community members I’ve known my whole life, to give us blessings – most of them had never done it at a wedding before since they were Ashkenazi!”

They also incorporated other Persian elements by serving Kevin’s favorite foods during the pre-ceremony tisch.

Olivia wanted to find ways to involve her sisters in the ceremony. While having them recite the sheva brachot didn’t work out logistically, their rabbi had a creative solution:

“Rabbi Ovadia suggested, ‘You should have your sister come and hold the ring under the chuppah while you’re saying the Haray At. Have her say it, Ani L’Dodi V’Dodi Li, and have me repeat after her before I put the ring on Kevin’s finger.’… It was a nice way to honor my sister.”

Combining Sephardic and Ashkenazi Wedding Traditions

Blending traditions also means navigating differences in customs and family expectations. Kevin was uncomfortable with some Ashkenazi traditions he felt had morbid undertones:

“Kevin was not comfortable with a lot of the Ashkenazi stuff because he felt that there was a lot of morbid aspects… The kittel is what you wear when you’re dead. You fast the whole day, which is what you do when you’re in mourning.”

While Olivia really wanted to have a yichud, or brief seclusion, to share a private moment together amidst the whirlwind of the day, Kevin was uncomfortable with the idea. They reached a compromise:

“What I really wanted was just a moment for us to breathe and be together… We came to a compromise that we would do it, but we would leave the door open so it wouldn’t have that seclusion connotation he was uncomfortable with.”

Another area of compromise was the ring itself. While some Orthodox traditions call for a plain wedding band, Olivia wanted something more ornate.

“Rabbi Ovadia taught me that in Sephardi communities, it’s all about assessing the value of the wedding ring itself… Nowadays, you have a certificate that states the value of a ring. So it doesn’t need to be one pure metal in order to assess its worth.

The couple found other ways to personalize the ceremony while keeping it true to their values. Some ideas, like having men and women recite the sheva brachot together, didn’t quite work out.  Olivia explained:

“Originally, I wanted a man and woman to say the Sheva Brachot together, or do an English/Hebrew alternating thing. But my parents made a good point that it would drag out the ceremony too long…  and most of our female relatives don’t read Hebrew anyway. So we decided the traditional way made the most sense for our situation.”

Navigating Difficulties

Even the best-laid plans can go awry, as the couple discovered when close family members fell ill right before the big day:

“Some members of Kevin’s family couldn’t make it because they got COVID a few days before, which was really sad… But someone gave us great advice – ‘Just accept that something will probably go wrong, and roll with it. Try to keep perspective and enjoy the day.'”

In the end, they recognized that many wedding “must-haves” are simply customs that can be adapted:

“A lot of things with weddings are just customs that aren’t halachically necessary… You can adjust the timing, location or set-up and it’s still just as valid and special.”

Advice for other couples planning Sephardic/Ashkenazi Weddings

Q: What advice would you give other couples looking to blend cultural or religious traditions?

Olivia: “Be willing to compromise and see what’s most important to each of you and why… Sometimes we have emotional attachments to rituals we grew up with, but it’s hard to have a productive conversation unless you understand the meaning behind your preferences.”

“Pick and choose the things that resonate most with you as a couple. Don’t be afraid to personalize and put your own spin on things, while still respecting both backgrounds. And find a rabbi experienced in the kind of weddings you want who can help you navigate the process and suggest creative solutions!”

By remaining flexible, communicating openly, and focusing on the elements most meaningful to them, Olivia and Kevin crafted a ceremony that beautifully celebrated their love story and cultural traditions. Merging traditions can be a delicate dance, but it also provides a unique opportunity for a couple to begin their marriage in a way that truly reflects their values as individuals and as a couple.

Planning your Jewish wedding?

If you’re planning a Jewish wedding and looking for a photographer who understands and appreciates the beauty of Jewish wedding traditions, I’m your gal! As a member of the Jewish community myself, I get how important it is to have someone behind the lens who doesn’t just show up and snap some pics, but who really understands the meaning and emotion behind every moment of your big day.

Whether you’re doing something traditional or putting your own unique spin on the customs, I’m here to capture it all in a way that feels authentic and true to you as a couple. I love helping couples navigate the process of weaving together different cultural elements to create a ceremony that’s totally one-of-a-kind and reflects your love story.

So if you’re ready to create a wedding album that you’ll treasure for generations, one that tells the story of how you celebrated your Jewish heritage in your own beautiful way, head over to my contact page and let’s chat! I can’t wait to be part of your special day and help you preserve every meaningful moment.

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